Inspiring Workplaces 
The Way Work Ought to Be!

#1,058 - Feb. 12, 2025

If you want to have richer conversations while earning yourself a reputation of being an amazing listener, then practice support responses rather than shift responses. Sociologist Charles Derber studies conversations and found that responses in conversations tend to fall into one of these two camps. 

A shift response happens when someone turns the conversation towards themselves. A classic shift response might happen when someone says, "My boss made me feel really stupid in our last meeting" and you respond with, "Oh I had a boss who did that to me all the time!" or "Huh. Did you know I have a pet wombat?" A support response, by contrast, builds on the speaker's comment and keeps the focus on them and the topic, with something like, "Oh, that's awful. How did that make you feel?" or "Did you speak with her afterwards?"

The more intentionally you can really listen deeply and practice support responses, the more people will not only consider you a better listener, they'll also believe you're a more empathetic and compassionate human being. Support responses also fuel curiosity and increase the odds that you might just learn a thing or two!